Coach HubPraise beats punishment
Telling a client off, calling them lazy, or telling them they're not doing well enough doesn't make them try harder. It makes them defensive, and eventually it makes them leave. Your job is to create a safe space where clients show up and feel their effort is seen every week, and where they feel empowered to make their own decisions.
This isn't a new idea. Two of the best-selling books ever written on managing and influencing people say the same thing.
From How to Win Friends and Influence People (Dale Carnegie)
"Criticism is futile because it puts a person on the defensive and usually makes him strive to justify himself."
A client who feels criticised spends their energy defending themselves, not changing.
"Abilities wither under criticism; they blossom under encouragement." "Praise the slightest improvement and praise every improvement. Be 'hearty in your approbation and lavish in your praise.'"
One more rep. One more day on plan. One more 8,000-step day. Name it.
Carnegie is just as clear that this isn't flattery: "Give honest, sincere appreciation." That's the same rule as the photos. Don't invent wins, but never miss a real one.
From The One Minute Manager (Ken Blanchard and Spencer Johnson)
The book's core idea is to catch people doing something right:
"The most important thing in training somebody to become a winner is to catch them doing something right—in the beginning approximately right and gradually moving them towards the desired behavior."
That's coaching a new client in one sentence. They won't get it perfect in week one. Praise "approximately right," then move them closer.
"You don't have to praise someone for very long for them to know you noticed and you care."
Praise should also be specific and immediate: tell people exactly what they did right, as soon as you can.
What about hard conversations?
Even when the authors describe correcting someone, the second half is always the same: remind them how much you value them, and that you think well of them, even if not of their performance in this situation. Then it's over.
In coaching terms, you can be honest about a stall or a missed week. But separate the behaviour from the person, finish on belief in them, and move forward. Module 7 covers hard conversations in depth.